About
Amy Clawson is the author of No More Bad News and Sheltered in His Love. She is also the poet for a line of inspirational greeting cards (honeyseedgreetings.com) and has been published in Decision Magazine. Amy is a speaker at Christian women’s events where she passionately proclaims the gospel through poetry, drama, and the awesome Word of God. Amy has found Jesus to be the joy and strength of her life, and she is eager to share the message of the cross with others. Her goal is to encourage others to find great joy in their salvation. Amy also volunteers at the hospice center near her home where she brings God’s comfort to those who are dying. She and her husband, Bill, have three grown children and one grandchild and are blessed to live in the beautiful mountains of North Carolina.
AMY SHARES HER MIRACLE…
The miracles in the Bible have always fascinated me. I love to read about the parting of the Red Sea, the manna that fell from heaven, the water that poured out of a rock, the shutting of the lion’s mouths, and one of my all-time favorites — Balaam’s talking donkey. How often I have longed to go back in time, back to the days when God’s power was demonstrated so visibly. Once I even prayed, asking God to let me see one of His phenomenal wonders with my very own eyes. Never did I dream that He would answer that prayer by performing a miracle in my life which is just as amazing as any I have ever read about.
I became a follower of Christ when I was 10 years old. At the time, my understanding of the gospel was shallow, but I knew that I was a sinner who would one day stand before a holy God. I also believed that Jesus died on the cross for me so that my sins could be forgiven. Over the next 30 years, I clung to Jesus as my Savior never once doubting my need for Him, but the sad thing is — I didn’t realize what it meant to have Christ living inside me. Little did I know that I had received a treasure of immeasurable worth. I thought that God had saved me and that the rest was up to me. I continually stumbled over the misconception that God’s love for me was dependent on my behavior, so I labored every day attempting to make myself more lovable to Him.
I endured years of spiritual frustration, not recognizing that my good works would never be sufficient to earn God’s love. I struggled endlessly to live the Christian life, clueless as to what it meant to live by faith. I tried to be good. I tried to pray. I tried to read my Bible every day. I tried to always do the right thing. I tried and tried — and I failed and failed. As a result, I was continually bombarded with guilt and shame over my shortcomings. Whenever I would envision God, His arms were folded in disgust, and He was shaking His head saying, “What have you done now, Amy? When are you ever going to get it right?” For me, living the Christian life was a heavy burden — one that I soon grew tired of carrying. I couldn’t find happiness in an “angry, unloving God” so I turned to the world for my joy. As I reflect back over my life, I am reminded of the many futile attempts I made in my pursuit of true soul satisfaction.
During my teenage years my yearnings for love began to surface in a powerful way, and I turned to boys. I always had to have a boyfriend. I thought my life depended on it. Nothing else seemed to satisfy my hungry soul like the thrill of romantic love. So I went from relationship to relationship looking for that one perfect match — but oh the heartbreaks I endured as my counterfeit happiness dissolved time and time again. After years of searching, I finally met my husband, and I thought, “This is it! This is what I’ve been looking for all my life. Now, at last, I’ll be completely happy.” Then I proceeded to drain the life out of the poor man, expecting him to fulfill the deepest longings of my heart. But something was amiss — true joy still eluded me. So I decided that having children would make me happy. Surely they would fill the void in my life. My husband and I were blessed with two sons and a daughter, and my world revolved around them. They kept me so busy for a while that I had little time to reflect on the unmet desires of my soul. Yet some nights, I would lie awake wondering why I still felt a deep thirst for something more.
Even though I had much to be thankful for, somehow it was never quite enough — so I went shopping. I decorated and redecorated my home. And I bought clothes — lots of clothes! I purchased countless shoes, dresses, pants, and skirts that I did not need. No matter how many things I had, I always seemed to want — just one more. Whenever life would come crashing in on me, I would find myself out shopping. It seemed to temporarily distract me from my misery, but I can tell you from experience… the pleasure is fleeting. By the end of the day my gladness would have faded, and I was right back where I started.
For years I lived under the false illusion that my family, my friends, and the things I possessed, would bring the fulfillment I so desperately wanted. If only I could have realized sooner that the deep soul satisfaction I was searching for could not be found in the things of this earth, perhaps my family, my friends, (and our bank account) would have been spared much anguish. Oh the endless demands I put on them to provide my happiness! I sought fulfillment everywhere but in Christ, although there were moments that I would seek to draw closer to Him. I would start yearly Bible reading programs, and I might make it through the first 2 weeks before laying it aside. Countless times, I rededicated my life to Christ, but it never seemed to last. I went to church every Sunday. I knew how to talk the talk. No one would have ever suspected that I hardly ever read my Bible and that I only prayed when I really wanted something from God. I looked pretty good on the outside, but I was a classic case of Matthew 15:8, “This people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from me.”
The Turning Point…
I was about to hit 40, and just the thought of it turned my stomach. Where had the time gone? My midlife frustrations were weighing heavily upon me, and I was weary of the rut I was in. I felt strangely drawn to God, yet clueless as to how He could help me. I would run across people who really seemed to be excited about Jesus, but how could I make myself enjoy Him? How could I even talk to Him when I felt that He was angry and disappointed with me? I didn’t know where to begin — but thankfully, God did. He knew just how to woo me into His ever open arms.
Around this time I was invited to attend a Bible study at my church, and I was surprised by my desire to go. As I picked up my dusty Bible off the shelf and began to read, the walls that I had built up between God and me started to come down. But there was still that one wall which seemed especially large and impenetrable. No matter how many times I heard the truth, I still couldn’t grasp the fact that God’s love for me was not based on my good works. It appeared that this wrong concept of His love was so deeply rooted in me that only a personal word from God Himself would open my blinded eyes.
I will never forget the beautiful evening when I took a walk beside the lake near my home. I was full of questions concerning God and started to voice them openly. “God, I want to know you. If Your love is deep and wide and high and long like the Bible says — I want to know it.” All at once, something incredible happened. God spoke to my heart in a way that I had never experienced before. He simply said, “I love you, Amy.” Two more times He said it — “I love you, Amy. I love you, Amy.” How those words pierced my heart. And He said my name — the God of the universe said my name! At that moment, I felt a love wash over me from my head to my toes. I still tremble when I speak of it. It was as though a veil was removed from my eyes, and suddenly I knew that God’s love for me was far beyond anything I could ever imagine. I finally understood that His love wasn’t based on my behavior. At last, I realized that God loves me — just because He loves me!
After my encounter with God, I found myself on the living room floor crying out in repentance to Him. I grieved over the years that I had wasted, neglecting the One who had so mercifully died on the cross for me. I was so sorry for putting other gods before Him. I must have wept for hours, but when I arose, I felt so clean. God had truly washed away my sins, and I knew that they were removed “as far as the east is from the west.” (Isaiah 103:12) From that point on, everything was different between God and me. If there are any doubts as to the authenticity of my experience, the changes in my life delete them. Jesus has become my greatest treasure — my first and last thought of the day. I am consumed with a desire to know Him more. I have seen only a glimpse of His great love… and I want more! I have a passion for God that I never thought possible. Only the supernatural power of Almighty God could have changed my life in such a drastic way. Only He could have taken my cold heart and set it on fire for Him. I once heard someone say that the Christian life lived the way God meant it to be lived is the greatest miracle of all — and now I believe it!
